The walls of my house are lined with sweet chubby cheeks and ‘first day of’ photos, commemorating the very individual lives of each of my children. They all bring something hopeful and purposeful to the world. As mothers, we commemorate these moments, milestones, and the minutes that represent who our children may be in the future. It’s trickier to commemorate the growth of us.

I`m Penny, you`ll often find me behind the keys of the articles you read here, the voice behind our podcasts, and juggler of all Valley Hub balls. From the tender age of 21, I was walking the halls with a sleepless bundle and am now soon to do the same, older, but a whole lot wiser. Today I lay aside the cloak of anonymity to share the things I’ve learned in my decade of mothering three children. Here goes:

• These lists are irrelevant.

Let me tell you why.

As mothers, women, in fact, we look around our peers and seek validation that what we are doing is the ‘most right’. That we are learning all the lessons on our feet and implementing them as we should. It`s not enough for us to be doing a good job, it must be a great job. After all, the future depends on it. From our child`s health to their interpersonal relationships, somehow, if it all goes pear-shaped, it will most definitely be on us.

I could sit here and write a bunch of points about how it’s okay if the kids eat cornflakes for dinner or their school uniforms aren’t ironed (every day) or they`re the noisiest kids in the supermarket (kamikaze`s anyone). I could tell you that one of my kids climbed the school flagpole and another mustered hulk-like strength and tipped an entire shopping trolley over. We could look back on trying moments and laugh, a few steps closer to a future where their kids might do the same to them. It might help draw joy from the paradox that is childhood, the slowest days make the fastest years. But here is what I`d rather say to you.

You will never feel like you`re doing enough. And that’s okay. This is a lesson that I am still learning to accept but the more it settles in, the more I think it’s the key to greatness. The very best lesson our children can learn from us is to strive for the best, not to be the best. Sometimes the best is that they eat tv snacks from the box in exchange for our own mental health. Sometimes the best is having hard conversations about feelings knowing that the time for protection is over, and sometimes the best is simply that they too come to realise that the measure of success is where they were yesterday.

I call this process of acceptance ‘mothership’. It is a relationship with one`s self and like any relationship, it requires compassion, reflection, and leaning into the lessons. Like all lessons, one has not mastered their craft until such time as they recognise there is no mastery. And with that, on this annual day of celebration, may you recognise the greatness held in your specific wisdom, unattainable to any other and unique in its ability to carry you through the years.

Happy Mother`s Day.